This blog may have died, but bingo lives on! It is now at the new
xkcd-sucks blog (the hyphen makes it about 20% cooler!) The first bingo posting can be found here.
Monday, 8 August 2011
Saturday, 30 July 2011
I own this place?!
So apparently it is that I run an xkcd hate blog now. This is weird. So weird in fact, I'd like to go back in time and tell my year-ago past self. It would totally freak him out because he's still an xkcd fan. What's that you say? 'You of all people were once a fan?'
Yes. I originally came to xkcdsucks for the Humor Sans font. I was disgusted by what I read. But I stayed there too long, and actually started agreeing with them. I think it was the 'family illness' cop-out that made me switch to the dark side. My role in the hatedom has since grown to quoting the funniest forum posts, making pointless bingo cards, and most recently, impersonating R.
But I don't write reviews. I rely on other people to understand what makes a comic so bad. So don't expect much from this place now that Kitten has left. Here's the deal: I'll carry on with the bingo thing if enough people want it. Do you?
Yes. I originally came to xkcdsucks for the Humor Sans font. I was disgusted by what I read. But I stayed there too long, and actually started agreeing with them. I think it was the 'family illness' cop-out that made me switch to the dark side. My role in the hatedom has since grown to quoting the funniest forum posts, making pointless bingo cards, and most recently, impersonating R.
But I don't write reviews. I rely on other people to understand what makes a comic so bad. So don't expect much from this place now that Kitten has left. Here's the deal: I'll carry on with the bingo thing if enough people want it. Do you?
Thursday, 14 July 2011
Comics 917-924: Bonanza Mega Review
I'm not doing the alt-texts because fuck it.
917:
Putting words into someone else's mouth is pretty rude, even more so when said words are such a clumsy imitation of an eloquent writer. Technically, the 'autobiography' is not self-referential – the phrase should be 'the acronym of this sentence'. 'This acronym' refers to nothing. Randall at least seems aware of the shoddiness of his work, as the last panel displays a certain insecurity about it.
918:
A fairly simple comic and not terrible, but it is overshadowed by Randall's antics on Google+. Posts where he white-knights, and posts about breast milk and sweating on his smartphone, make the ludicrous persona of Randall suggested by the xkcd sucks community seem quite accurate.
919:
Irregardless of his verbiage, I could care less if Randall should of made this comic, imho.
It's not difficult to string annoying words/phrases together, and not that funny either (unless you do it with the craft and delicacy of ALT-F).
920:
The sentiment is not too bad, but the caption/title taints this comic with implied social failure. Much like calling yourself 'xXx_*wkdkewlgRRl*_xXx' or 'Ravenzomg' will undercut even the best and most insightful commentary, referring to 'Youtube parties' as if they are a planned event will ruin any comic.
921:
This comic would have worked if Randall was capable of building up dramatic tension – then the last panel would be a good reversal. Instead it comes off as a bit of whining with a sudden shoehorned LOTR reference.
922:
The horrible wording of the caption overshadows the blatant hypocrisy. Also, he's about ten years too late for this to be relevant in any way.
923:
Shufti's guest review nicely covers the problem with this comic – the idea is workable, but the execution lacks any imagination.
924:
3D printers are fucking amazing. The idea that we can go from computer design to execution without worrying about manufacturing complications is incredibly powerful, as is the possibility of creating unique and specialised tools independently. They could well revolutionise the current system of manufacture if the process becomes cheap and quick. It would be like the internet made solid – not just information but actual, touchable tools and art zipping between people with consummate ease.
So Randall makes a dick joke about it. A dick joke that doesn't actually make sense.
Maybe one day he will tell us why.
EDIT: Maybe it was to make the otherwise non-sequitur title of ALT-F's guest post strangely prophetic.
917:
Putting words into someone else's mouth is pretty rude, even more so when said words are such a clumsy imitation of an eloquent writer. Technically, the 'autobiography' is not self-referential – the phrase should be 'the acronym of this sentence'. 'This acronym' refers to nothing. Randall at least seems aware of the shoddiness of his work, as the last panel displays a certain insecurity about it.
918:
A fairly simple comic and not terrible, but it is overshadowed by Randall's antics on Google+. Posts where he white-knights, and posts about breast milk and sweating on his smartphone, make the ludicrous persona of Randall suggested by the xkcd sucks community seem quite accurate.
919:
Irregardless of his verbiage, I could care less if Randall should of made this comic, imho.
It's not difficult to string annoying words/phrases together, and not that funny either (unless you do it with the craft and delicacy of ALT-F).
920:
The sentiment is not too bad, but the caption/title taints this comic with implied social failure. Much like calling yourself 'xXx_*wkdkewlgRRl*_xXx' or 'Ravenzomg' will undercut even the best and most insightful commentary, referring to 'Youtube parties' as if they are a planned event will ruin any comic.
921:
This comic would have worked if Randall was capable of building up dramatic tension – then the last panel would be a good reversal. Instead it comes off as a bit of whining with a sudden shoehorned LOTR reference.
922:
The horrible wording of the caption overshadows the blatant hypocrisy. Also, he's about ten years too late for this to be relevant in any way.
923:
Shufti's guest review nicely covers the problem with this comic – the idea is workable, but the execution lacks any imagination.
924:
3D printers are fucking amazing. The idea that we can go from computer design to execution without worrying about manufacturing complications is incredibly powerful, as is the possibility of creating unique and specialised tools independently. They could well revolutionise the current system of manufacture if the process becomes cheap and quick. It would be like the internet made solid – not just information but actual, touchable tools and art zipping between people with consummate ease.
So Randall makes a dick joke about it. A dick joke that doesn't actually make sense.
Maybe one day he will tell us why.
EDIT: Maybe it was to make the otherwise non-sequitur title of ALT-F's guest post strangely prophetic.
Sunday, 10 July 2011
xkcd Forums Bingo: Week 6
917 - Hofstadter
A good serving of squares from the forumites. Sadly no bingo. In short, the thread was everything the haters hate about the xkcd fanbase (minus the GOOMH, which was mysteriously missing). Here are some quotes I'd like to share with you:
Some people thought the alt text was another clever acronym. dumbness ensues:
"There seems to be another acronym in the alt text:
TITRIOTSRJ: the 'tit riot' part makes perfect sense but what does the 'SRJ' mean?"
"tit riot self referential joke"
"Tit riots are jay.
Jays and tits may be more closely related than we thought."
And then there was this... wave of nerd-panderization about Gödel, Escher Bach, which the comic didn't even directly reference. Let's see here...
"Douglas Hofstadter is god."
"Anyone who hasn't read GEB is of course, living in sin."
"I am a better, nicer, more practical, and happier person because I read Gödel, Escher Bach and I am a Strange Loop. They may very well change your whole outlook on reality. Thick as it gets, but more than worth the investment."
All that said, there were some good parts.
"I am glad that you read it. You are now better, nicer, more practical and happier.
I will remain in sin. I don't want to read it."
918 - Google+
Nothing happened here, the xkcd fans just spent the whole thread talking about Google+. By my guestimate, about 1% of the discussion was about the comic. Oh and speaking of guestimates.
Nothing happened here, the xkcd fans just spent the whole thread talking about Google+. By my guestimate, about 1% of the discussion was about the comic. Oh and speaking of guestimates.
919 - Tween Bromance
And in this thread they spent most of the time talking about words. And someone said the comic's title reminds them of the Lady Gaga song.
I don't know why I'm still doing this. Maybe one day I'll explain why.
I don't know why I'm still doing this. Maybe one day I'll explain why.
Saturday, 2 July 2011
xkcd Forums Bingo: Week 5
#914 - Ice
A good distribution of squares. Two almost-lines. E4 made its fourth consecutive appearance. Of course, A1 and E5 were practically guaranteed given the incoherence of the comic. Too bad we haven't seen Glasnt and Joee in a while.
A good distribution of squares. Two almost-lines. E4 made its fourth consecutive appearance. Of course, A1 and E5 were practically guaranteed given the incoherence of the comic. Too bad we haven't seen Glasnt and Joee in a while.#915 - Connoisseur
We had an appearance from the rare A4 square. "Jeebus crêpes -- onto the second page of comments and nobody's mentioned inverse snobbery?" Well, cream wobbly, you were the first to mention it. Congratulations, your post concerning the matter will be immortalized in this bingo square.
We had an appearance from the rare A4 square. "Jeebus crêpes -- onto the second page of comments and nobody's mentioned inverse snobbery?" Well, cream wobbly, you were the first to mention it. Congratulations, your post concerning the matter will be immortalized in this bingo square.#916 - Unpickable
Pff, a largely uniteresting thread, with people mostly bragging about their security systems and discussing the technicalities of 5x5x5 rubiks cubes.Maybe one day the forumites will explain why.
Thursday, 30 June 2011
The Omega Essays Part 1: GOOMH
XKCD is a comic for nerds, written by a nerd. So what is a nerd?
To be a nerd is, apparently, to have: a love of sci-fi and fantasy and a blindness to the trash that permeates so much of both genres; an almost fanatical appreciation of the scientific philosophy; a fondness for technology, even in its most worthless and wasteful forms; social awkwardness and poor hygiene; and an immature, sometimes almost dysfunctional, view of sexuality.
But these characteristics can be regarded as symptoms of two more fundamental traits, namely physical cowardice and intellectual egotism. This synthesis should not be particularly surprising - it remains the standard portrayal of a nerd in virtually all media. It is why you will hear nerds complain that all sports are a waste of time, but debating Joss Whedon trivia is not. It is the basis of the 'nice guy dilemma', where a lack of courage, confidence or assertiveness is viewed not as a failing, but as some form of intellectual and moral high ground. It is why anonymous debates on the internet inevitably spiral toward attempts to prove intellectual superiority, where the shit-flinging antics of status-challenging chimps seem like a Galilean dialogue by comparison.
Nerds are, in short, fairly contemptible, and it is for that reason that GOOMH-baiting in XKCD is so offensive.
Pandering to a particular demographic in and of itself is not annoying. PhD comics is quite well regarded, despite the fact it specialises in drawing out the laughter of recognition from post-graduate students. Penny Arcade and a thousand other webcomics are aimed solely at those who play video games, and it is not a matter of contention that they pander to the sensibilities of their audience. Stephanie Meyer, however, attracts veritable hurricanes of scorn for fulfilling the wishes of impressionable teenage girls, a social group that is considered misguided at best, and the cause of all cultural ills at worst.
And like the Twilight author, Randall compounds this problem by being so blunderingly cack-handed. To pander to the egos of nerds, he must make his comic obscure and difficult to understand. The difficult, but more elegant and artistic way to achieve this would be to make comics that are clever, and require some thought and understanding to unlock. The far easier way is to throw in references to things that are considered the domain of 'clever' people. We all know which method dominates xkcd.
Remember though, when you next complain about GOOMH-baiting - it is not so much the references, but the audience at which it is aimed that bugs you so much. You hate nerds, maybe you even hate the nerdish qualities in yourself, and that is why you hate xkcd. After all, if pandering itself were offensive, you would find the overwrought, pedantic and frequently inaccurate reviews found on this and other, similar blogs equally annoying, wouldn't you?
To be a nerd is, apparently, to have: a love of sci-fi and fantasy and a blindness to the trash that permeates so much of both genres; an almost fanatical appreciation of the scientific philosophy; a fondness for technology, even in its most worthless and wasteful forms; social awkwardness and poor hygiene; and an immature, sometimes almost dysfunctional, view of sexuality.
But these characteristics can be regarded as symptoms of two more fundamental traits, namely physical cowardice and intellectual egotism. This synthesis should not be particularly surprising - it remains the standard portrayal of a nerd in virtually all media. It is why you will hear nerds complain that all sports are a waste of time, but debating Joss Whedon trivia is not. It is the basis of the 'nice guy dilemma', where a lack of courage, confidence or assertiveness is viewed not as a failing, but as some form of intellectual and moral high ground. It is why anonymous debates on the internet inevitably spiral toward attempts to prove intellectual superiority, where the shit-flinging antics of status-challenging chimps seem like a Galilean dialogue by comparison.
Nerds are, in short, fairly contemptible, and it is for that reason that GOOMH-baiting in XKCD is so offensive.
Pandering to a particular demographic in and of itself is not annoying. PhD comics is quite well regarded, despite the fact it specialises in drawing out the laughter of recognition from post-graduate students. Penny Arcade and a thousand other webcomics are aimed solely at those who play video games, and it is not a matter of contention that they pander to the sensibilities of their audience. Stephanie Meyer, however, attracts veritable hurricanes of scorn for fulfilling the wishes of impressionable teenage girls, a social group that is considered misguided at best, and the cause of all cultural ills at worst.
And like the Twilight author, Randall compounds this problem by being so blunderingly cack-handed. To pander to the egos of nerds, he must make his comic obscure and difficult to understand. The difficult, but more elegant and artistic way to achieve this would be to make comics that are clever, and require some thought and understanding to unlock. The far easier way is to throw in references to things that are considered the domain of 'clever' people. We all know which method dominates xkcd.
Remember though, when you next complain about GOOMH-baiting - it is not so much the references, but the audience at which it is aimed that bugs you so much. You hate nerds, maybe you even hate the nerdish qualities in yourself, and that is why you hate xkcd. After all, if pandering itself were offensive, you would find the overwrought, pedantic and frequently inaccurate reviews found on this and other, similar blogs equally annoying, wouldn't you?
Monday, 27 June 2011
Sunday, 26 June 2011
Comic 916: Cockroach inconvenience
 |
| Alt-text: The safe is empty except for an unsolved 5x5 Rubik's cube. |
If you have a really hard-to-break safe, people will assume that's where you keep your valuables!
Where's the funny, you hack! (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!?!)
Saturday, 25 June 2011
xkcd Forums Bingo: Week 4
#911 - Magic School Bus
This comic was late, but that didn't stop the forumites. The first fourteen replies were made before the comic even went up. Some people complained that this comic ruined a childhood memory. But our best C1 came from this post.We even had C2 from when some people said the rocket in panel 3 reminded them of the rocket from Tintin's Destination Moon / Explorers on the Moon. I am now counting non-xkcd comics for the C2 square, just because.
We were so close this time. The only thing missing was the usually frequent B2 square.
#912 - Manual Override
A somewhat less enthusiastic effort that last time. We had a full-on explanation for A1 though. And E4 made its second consecutive appearance, with this guy complaining about people complaining about Fernie (aka Sirmustapha) complaining about the comic.
A somewhat less enthusiastic effort that last time. We had a full-on explanation for A1 though. And E4 made its second consecutive appearance, with this guy complaining about people complaining about Fernie (aka Sirmustapha) complaining about the comic.#913 - Core
E4 made its third appearance. Oh my, the trolls are popular this week. The joke was explained, Randall was in someone's head. Does this count as a quote pyramid. All sources point to: yes.
I'm still waiting for Leahcim to create a post that simultaneously marks off every square on the board. We can only wonder why he is keeping us waiting. Maybe one day he will tell us why.
E4 made its third appearance. Oh my, the trolls are popular this week. The joke was explained, Randall was in someone's head. Does this count as a quote pyramid. All sources point to: yes.I'm still waiting for Leahcim to create a post that simultaneously marks off every square on the board. We can only wonder why he is keeping us waiting. Maybe one day he will tell us why.
Wednesday, 22 June 2011
Comic 915: Cockroach disaster
 |
| Alt-text: Our brains have just one scale, and we resize our experiences to fit. |
This comic is pretty good, and if you don't like it there is something wrong with you.
Monday, 20 June 2011
Comic 914: Cockroach apocalypse
 |
| Alt-text: On the plus side, she wrote 'Welcome to the AAA Club!' in lipstick on the bathroom mirror, and left me a membership/roadside assistance card on the counter. |
World's worst party. Reversal of urban legend ('kidneys gone, in tub of ice' becomes 'ice gone, in tub of kidneys'). Terrible parody of 'HIV club' urban legend in alt-text. Appalling artwork in last panel (bloody ice cubes?). Continued use of colour (minimal). Why beret guy? Character growth? Hahaha.
Maybe one day he will tell us why.
Saturday, 18 June 2011
xkcd Forums Bingo: Week 3
Friday, 17 June 2011
Comic 913: Cockroach genocide
 |
| Alt-text: If you're a geologist or geophysicist and you don't introduce yourself by saying your name, then gesturing downward and saying "... and I study that", I don't know what you're doing with your life. |
This comic contains mediocre artwork (how difficult is it to connect a head to a stick body?) and a bunch of mediocre jokes ham-fistedly jammed together. The last two lines are pretty much unnecessary, although removing them only marginally improves things.
More disturbing is Megan-o'-the-milky-nipples' role in all of this - her reactions seem highly unlikely given the creepy, stalkerish vibe, and the whole thing seems to suggest Randall is in dreamland again, wiling away his time thinking of his hot porn-star daughter and his lactating wife.
At least he didn't mention Wikipedia.
Wednesday, 15 June 2011
Comic 912: Plane wrong
 |
| Alt-text: I think you mean 'GNU Info Override'. |
Randall has written a comic marrying a tasteless joke about the Air France crash with his inability to understand GNU packages. Unfortunately, he did not put this out as comic 911 and thus add an oblique reference to the 9th November attacks on the World Trade Centre, which could have alienated a much larger proportion of his audience.
Maybe one day he will tell us why.
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
xkcd Forums Bingo: Retro Edition 1
Since bingo seems to be the main thing that happens on this blog now, I'd like to bring you these occasional special editions covering older comics.
Yeesh, a 13 page argument veering off into politics. This sounds familiar. Yes, 603 (Idiocracy) produced a similar reaction on the forums. And that was only seven comics earlier. It was also my first bingo. No such luck this time.
The D2 box was mentally ticked off many, many times. I skimmed past most of the thread. One wonders why they bother to write such long posts if no one will read them. Then again, I am doing this during my holiday, so…
There may have been an A1, A4 or B4 during all that mind-screw, but it wouldn't have made a difference to the overall bingo-ness. The only single square that could have made a bingo was D3. And whilst a lot of the discussion was prompted by the alt text, no one came out in absolute adoration for it.
And speaking of comics from the 600s, let's have a look at the famous one, yes that one.
631 was a little before my time, so all of this discussion was brand new to me. I've decided this can be like a forum-watch for those who don't remember it either.
Thankfully there was no D5. We did get a B3 however:
"I have travelled from 1952 to tell you that it's a reference to a picture in one of Kurt Vonnegut's books."
E3 was more disturbing than usual:
"Hi joee. Wanna go to TGIF's? I'll bring the camera ;)"
This is just… what? I'm counting this for E4
"I do believe we have here a return to form for Randall. I wonder how the haters will try to justify their feelings now."
And with regards to A5, someone did actually say 'ever'.
This here is just a funny quote (assuming they were joking):
"FINALLY! An xkcd I can masturbate to. The Internet has came full circle at last!"
Ah, gotta love the conspiracy theorizing:
"Oh hey, what if Randall is planning on redesigning his site and this is his sneaky way of stopping people from viewing his site at work so he can drop IE6 support?"
We almost had a D2 from Fernie, but his reply was only 499 words.
And now to complete our retro edition with one of my favourite threads from when I used to be a fan.
Hmm, closest we've had in a while. But no one felt the need to explain the joke, so that line will never be reached.
A5 was thoroughly covered, as was B4. A lot of people posted replies simply to say that the comic made them sad.
Our regular C1 slot was filled by Fernie. D4 happened because Randall accidentally a verb in the alt text. And A4 happened when someone couldn't believe no one had mentioned Asimov yet. And ooh, we haven't seen E2 in ages.
I still like this thread, which is why I'm not linking to the bad parts. Instead I'll link you to some of the remix comics people made.
Also, this fanfic (a late addition to the thread), was lovely. The xkcd forums aren't all bad.
#610 - Sheeple
Yeesh, a 13 page argument veering off into politics. This sounds familiar. Yes, 603 (Idiocracy) produced a similar reaction on the forums. And that was only seven comics earlier. It was also my first bingo. No such luck this time.
The D2 box was mentally ticked off many, many times. I skimmed past most of the thread. One wonders why they bother to write such long posts if no one will read them. Then again, I am doing this during my holiday, so…
There may have been an A1, A4 or B4 during all that mind-screw, but it wouldn't have made a difference to the overall bingo-ness. The only single square that could have made a bingo was D3. And whilst a lot of the discussion was prompted by the alt text, no one came out in absolute adoration for it.
And speaking of comics from the 600s, let's have a look at the famous one, yes that one.
631 was a little before my time, so all of this discussion was brand new to me. I've decided this can be like a forum-watch for those who don't remember it either.
Thankfully there was no D5. We did get a B3 however:
"I have travelled from 1952 to tell you that it's a reference to a picture in one of Kurt Vonnegut's books."
E3 was more disturbing than usual:
"Hi joee. Wanna go to TGIF's? I'll bring the camera ;)"
This is just… what? I'm counting this for E4
"I do believe we have here a return to form for Randall. I wonder how the haters will try to justify their feelings now."
And with regards to A5, someone did actually say 'ever'.
This here is just a funny quote (assuming they were joking):
"FINALLY! An xkcd I can masturbate to. The Internet has came full circle at last!"
Ah, gotta love the conspiracy theorizing:
"Oh hey, what if Randall is planning on redesigning his site and this is his sneaky way of stopping people from viewing his site at work so he can drop IE6 support?"
We almost had a D2 from Fernie, but his reply was only 499 words.
And now to complete our retro edition with one of my favourite threads from when I used to be a fan.
#695 - Spirit
Hmm, closest we've had in a while. But no one felt the need to explain the joke, so that line will never be reached.
A5 was thoroughly covered, as was B4. A lot of people posted replies simply to say that the comic made them sad.
Our regular C1 slot was filled by Fernie. D4 happened because Randall accidentally a verb in the alt text. And A4 happened when someone couldn't believe no one had mentioned Asimov yet. And ooh, we haven't seen E2 in ages.
I still like this thread, which is why I'm not linking to the bad parts. Instead I'll link you to some of the remix comics people made.
Also, this fanfic (a late addition to the thread), was lovely. The xkcd forums aren't all bad.
Monday, 13 June 2011
Comic 911: Wikipedia again
 |
| Alt-text: At my OLD school, we used Microsoft Encarta 2005. |
Randall has written a comic about an old TV/book series, and compared Wikipedia to flying around on a magic school bus that is capable of many wondrous, impossible feats. Unfortunately for us, Wikipedia does not have genitals, so Randall cannot use oral sex to express his appreciation and keep us out of the loop altogether.
Maybe one day he will find a way.
Saturday, 11 June 2011
xkcd Forums Bingo: week 2
I love posting these on a Friday, right after Kitten(s) posts his meagre phoned-in review. That way they stay at the top of the blog for the whole weekend.
This post, just this post.
"I read that as "This house is a mine?" and was disappointed by the lack of Minecraft references."
B5 has hit a new low.
A pitiful two pages worth of discussion, if that. And four squares is our lowest score ever. Should I be pleased?
C3 wasn't being serious, but I included it anyway. Am I desperate? And I was expecting 907 to be a high-scorer. Maybe the xkcd forumites have given up trying to annoy us, who knows. Maybe one day they'll explain why.
PS: after a comment left by Anonymous on Xkcdsucks main site, bingo next week is switching back to PNG format. I've found a better way to compress them.
#905 - Homeownership
This post, just this post."I read that as "This house is a mine?" and was disappointed by the lack of Minecraft references."
B5 has hit a new low.
A pitiful two pages worth of discussion, if that. And four squares is our lowest score ever. Should I be pleased?#907 - Ages
C3 wasn't being serious, but I included it anyway. Am I desperate? And I was expecting 907 to be a high-scorer. Maybe the xkcd forumites have given up trying to annoy us, who knows. Maybe one day they'll explain why.PS: after a comment left by Anonymous on Xkcdsucks main site, bingo next week is switching back to PNG format. I've found a better way to compress them.
Friday, 10 June 2011
Comic 910: Naming conventions
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| Alt-text: This hostname is going in dozens of remote config files. Changing a kid's name is comparatively easy! |
Randall has written a comic detailing his cowardly inability to make decisions that are not easily reversed. Unfortunately, this has not stopped him from becoming a successful webcomic author.
Maybe one day he will tell us how.
Wednesday, 8 June 2011
Comic 909: Tat
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| Alt-text: Wait a minute. If I'm escaping from a submarine at 50 meters, then I'll *definitely* need a flashlight to find air pockets for gradual decompression on the way up. Time to start shopping professional dive lights. |
Randall has made a disgusting, almost illegible comic mocking his readers' predilection for buying worthless, 'feature'-laden crap. Unfortunately, the mockery is given as empathetic camaraderie, rather than the vicious assault on stupidity it should be.
Maybe one day Randall will explain why.
Monday, 6 June 2011
Comic 908: Internets
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| Alt-text: There's planned downtime every night when we turn on the Roomba and it runs over the cord. |
Randall has made a comic based on the IT Crowd episode about the internet. Unfortunately, he forgot to include an actual joke, or anything amusing at all.
Maybe one day he will tell us why.
Friday, 3 June 2011
xkcd Forums Bingo: week 1
It's the weekend, and you know what that means - more bingo!
Excellent work! It got a bingo in page one! I don't think this has happened before! We so excited!
Here's how it happened:
D4 - okay, this isn't technically referring to a typo, but pedantic - yes, and pointing out a word Randall did wrong - yes.
"At the risk of sounding like the Star Trek fanboy that I am, it's "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra" not Kalenda's."
B2 and C3 in the same post - I'm quoting it here in its entirety, because it's so cute.
"I've just registered here, only to say the following:
I finally had my 'get out of my head' moment.
Several months ago, I started watching all the ST:TNG episodes, as I only ever saw the last two seasons. Today I have arrived at season 5, episode 2.
Then I opened xkcd.com.
I had shivers running down my spine. And spent the next three hours looking for any bugs or hidden webcams. Thank you, you've turned me into a basketcase. I await the kind white men.
I am serious. As much as the internet is filled with boasts and trolls ... I'm staring at the highlighted folder item right now ... It... Knows I'm here …"
E5 - several posts had this, and I chose this one.
"I... I don't think I quite understand the joke here."
A1 - I almost skimmed past it the first time, but this post has it. :-)
"Darmok and Jalad at Kalenda's is part of Randall's joke setup - the computer explains it as an after-party they had."
Ughh, why did I read this. So many people posting lists of Wikipedia articles. Yes, we know 93% of Wikipedia articles have a chain of links that ends up in 'Philosophy'. You don't have to show us every time it happens, yeesh. And so, I just had to tick off D3, even though no one actually said 'I love this game', but since it motivated about 75% of the discussion, so yeah.
Boring! Although the quote pyramid was rather spectacular. Here's how big it got in the end.
Just to note, I've changed the squares A5 and D5 to better reflect what the forums have to say. The board's still skewed towards the left side. Maybe one day the forumites will explain why.
#902 - Darmok and Jalad
Excellent work! It got a bingo in page one! I don't think this has happened before! We so excited!Here's how it happened:
D4 - okay, this isn't technically referring to a typo, but pedantic - yes, and pointing out a word Randall did wrong - yes.
"At the risk of sounding like the Star Trek fanboy that I am, it's "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra" not Kalenda's."
B2 and C3 in the same post - I'm quoting it here in its entirety, because it's so cute.
"I've just registered here, only to say the following:
I finally had my 'get out of my head' moment.
Several months ago, I started watching all the ST:TNG episodes, as I only ever saw the last two seasons. Today I have arrived at season 5, episode 2.
Then I opened xkcd.com.
I had shivers running down my spine. And spent the next three hours looking for any bugs or hidden webcams. Thank you, you've turned me into a basketcase. I await the kind white men.
I am serious. As much as the internet is filled with boasts and trolls ... I'm staring at the highlighted folder item right now ... It... Knows I'm here …"
E5 - several posts had this, and I chose this one.
"I... I don't think I quite understand the joke here."
A1 - I almost skimmed past it the first time, but this post has it. :-)
"Darmok and Jalad at Kalenda's is part of Randall's joke setup - the computer explains it as an after-party they had."
#903 - Extended Mind
Ughh, why did I read this. So many people posting lists of Wikipedia articles. Yes, we know 93% of Wikipedia articles have a chain of links that ends up in 'Philosophy'. You don't have to show us every time it happens, yeesh. And so, I just had to tick off D3, even though no one actually said 'I love this game', but since it motivated about 75% of the discussion, so yeah.#904 - Sports
Boring! Although the quote pyramid was rather spectacular. Here's how big it got in the end.Just to note, I've changed the squares A5 and D5 to better reflect what the forums have to say. The board's still skewed towards the left side. Maybe one day the forumites will explain why.
Comic 907: Sitcoms
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| Alt-text: Every age: "I'm glad I'm not the clueless person I was five years ago, but now I don't want to get any older." |
Randall has succinctly captured the essence of every shitty, family-based sitcom in existence. Unfortunately, he has done so without a hint of irony.
Maybe one day he will tell us why.
Wednesday, 1 June 2011
Comic 906: Wikipedia
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| Alt-text: When advertisers figure this out, our only weapon will be blue sharpies and "[disputed]". |
And again with the Wikipedia. Has he forgotten that other websites also contain information? That there is a whole internet's worth of flaky knowledge to check out? He probably does check numerous websites, but he has decided to focus on Wikipedia in his comic.
Maybe one day he will tell us why.
Comic 905: PPD
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| Alt-text: New research shows over 60% of the financial collapse's toxic assets were created by power drills. |
Randall once again tells us that he is a child stuck in a adult's body. It's hardly news at this point.
More grievous is the final panel – I know and you know and everyone else knows that the final two lines of dialogue completely ruin the joke. I assume Randall knows as well, but he decided to put them in anyway. Maybe one day he will explain why.
Saturday, 28 May 2011
xkcd Forums Bingo: week 0
Hey all, Jon Levi posting here for the first time. Now that I've taken over the bingo slot there will be a few changes:
1) These are now going to go in their own post, not tacked on to an older post. Because otherwise no one will look at them.
2) Score cards will be saved in GIF format, not PNG. This is to reduce file size.
3) Their title now includes the word 'fora', subtly mocking the forumites' pluralization of the word 'forum', using their god Randall's own handwriting.
4) Letters and numbers down the sides make it so that instead of having to say 'I signed up just to say...' we can just say 'B2'.
5) To visually distinguish it from the older style, the 'strike' in each box will be reversed to run from top-left to bottom-right.
6) I like bold type for emphasis. Deal with it.
If anyone needs confirmation, this is for the xkcd forums. I'm still content if Kitten(s) want to do their own thing with the Xkcdsucks comment threads. Now without further delay let's see the damn score cards:
#899 - Number Line
Quite a lot of people were confused in this thread about what the actual jokes are. It was painful to sift through all the '0.999... = 1' comments. There was something close to a line, if only someone had posted a quote within a quote within a quote within a quote.
#900 - Religions
A good effort, but nothing even close to a bingo. Seriously, what else am I supposed to say here?
#901 - Temperature
Another almost-bingo. Why are all the crossed squares on the left hand side? Why do you like the left hand side, forums?
Coming next week: bingo scores for comics 902-904.
1) These are now going to go in their own post, not tacked on to an older post. Because otherwise no one will look at them.
2) Score cards will be saved in GIF format, not PNG. This is to reduce file size.
3) Their title now includes the word 'fora', subtly mocking the forumites' pluralization of the word 'forum', using their god Randall's own handwriting.
4) Letters and numbers down the sides make it so that instead of having to say 'I signed up just to say...' we can just say 'B2'.
5) To visually distinguish it from the older style, the 'strike' in each box will be reversed to run from top-left to bottom-right.
6) I like bold type for emphasis. Deal with it.
If anyone needs confirmation, this is for the xkcd forums. I'm still content if Kitten(s) want to do their own thing with the Xkcdsucks comment threads. Now without further delay let's see the damn score cards:
#899 - Number Line
Quite a lot of people were confused in this thread about what the actual jokes are. It was painful to sift through all the '0.999... = 1' comments. There was something close to a line, if only someone had posted a quote within a quote within a quote within a quote.
#900 - Religions
A good effort, but nothing even close to a bingo. Seriously, what else am I supposed to say here?
#901 - Temperature
Another almost-bingo. Why are all the crossed squares on the left hand side? Why do you like the left hand side, forums?
Coming next week: bingo scores for comics 902-904.
Friday, 27 May 2011
Comic 904: Sports Science
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| Alt-text: Also, all financial analysis. And, more directly, D&D. |
If the alt-text had also mentioned 'all science and statistical analysis', we would be able to see what a worthless piece of shit this comic is. Randall mocks the un-nerdy pursuit of sports and completely fails to see the parallels to the science he worships. The weights matter, Randall, they matter a lot. Worse is the sheer bald-faced hypocrisy – how many times have you done a pathetic Google-based 'analysis' of social trends, you fuckwit? How many times have you used the number of Google hits to make your point? HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES?
Okay, okay, maybe he is just pointing out that the winning and losing of competitive sports is just a way of producing 'random numbers', and he isn't mocking the statistical analysis that accompanies them. However, if he's willing to refer to all the skill, strategy, athleticism, psychology and quick-thinking involved in so many sports as a 'weighted random number generator', then what area of human endeavour can you not apply the same idea? Science – your experiment produces some weighted random numbers, and you build a narrative for why they occur. Engineering – you combine individual components based on weighted random numbers, and build a narrative for why they work together. History – people do things based on weighted random numbers, and you build narrative for why they do that. But of course Randall the Nerd-King picks on sports.
I would like to know whether Randall really is a nerd that dismisses sport as pointless because he is rubbish at it (while arguing about the minutiae of Star Wars), or if he is just cynically working his fanbase.
Probably both.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Comic 903: Extended Prosthetic Penis
(A very special guest review from Aquarians Love to Fuck. Welcome back, ALTF.)
Critiques are for cunts, but...
Well fuck me from behind with a Primal Scream made physically manifest, but does this comic perpetuates a vicious fallacy or what? Knowledge and intellect (as measured by an I.Q. Test) are fundamentally different constructs. A subjective argument may be proffered to support the contrary, but no truly objective argument is credible.
As this is a critique, I am now, officially, a cunt.
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| Alt-text: Wikipedia trivia: if you take any article, click on the first link in the article text not in parentheses or italics, and then repeat, you will eventually end up at "Philosophy". |
Critiques are for cunts, but...
Well fuck me from behind with a Primal Scream made physically manifest, but does this comic perpetuates a vicious fallacy or what? Knowledge and intellect (as measured by an I.Q. Test) are fundamentally different constructs. A subjective argument may be proffered to support the contrary, but no truly objective argument is credible.
As this is a critique, I am now, officially, a cunt.
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Comic 902: XKCD:TNG
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| Alt Text: I wonder how often Patrick Stewart has Darmok flashbacks when talking to Star Trek fans. |
So we have a reference to an old Star Trek: The Next Generation episode. In case you didn't waste your life watching such programmes, the episode revolves around an encounter with an alien species that uses a language based entirely on cultural references, and (probably unintentionally) makes the whole 'universal translator that helps everyone understand one another' thing look a bit silly. The crew and the aliens have problems understanding one another, and the breakthrough in communication is made when the alien captain kidnaps Picard and transports both of them down to a planet to fight an invisible monster. Through the power of teamwork and friendship, they overcome their ludicrous, self-imposed trial and Picard learns a few phrases. The alien captain, however, dies of stupidity.
This comic may well have worked, if Randall wasn't forcing into a stick-figure format. His original reasoning for using the blank faces – that the reader can better identify with the protagonist – is completely irrelevant here. These are all well-known characters. As such, the attempt to draw the alien is pretty horrific, and the wink has to be identified with a hugely ridiculous... well, sound effect, I guess. If drawn and coloured decently, the comic might have worked.
Randall also seems to be drawing some nerd rage because he 'incorrectly' quoted the episode (it should be 'Tanagra', not 'Kalenda', apparently). This of course ignores the possibility that Randall is just making up a new phrase, one that means something different from the phrase in the episode.
Finally, the alt-text here actually made me laugh. A bit of self-denigration about nerds talking in shitty pop-culture references, wrapped up in a neat little sentence that contains a pop-culture reference? That is probably the best thing he has done in quite some time.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
Introducing... Jon Levi's Bingo Time!
Delving into the xkcd forums is a dangerous task, best left to professionals and/or hobos. No-one should subject themselves to such unremitting horror without proper training and/or a basic inability to grasp reality. Thus, to allow you to see at a safe glance what is going on in there, Jon Levi has devised the 'xkcd comment thread bingo'!
And here is a sample, from comic 603 (Idiocracy):
He even writes bingo in big letters when it happens! What more could you ask for! The reviews for comics 891-898 have been updated with bingo cards, and all of them can be found in this comment.
And here is a sample, from comic 603 (Idiocracy):
He even writes bingo in big letters when it happens! What more could you ask for! The reviews for comics 891-898 have been updated with bingo cards, and all of them can be found in this comment.
Saturday, 21 May 2011
Comic 901: Nude Supper
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| Alt-text: And the baby has a fever. |
I wake up trapped in cheap cotton sheets, sticky with secretions, belt still wrapped around my abscessed arm. Sick yellow light seeps in through the translucent curtains and fills the veins that splay across the walls and ceiling, a stomach of a room that pulsates and melts me down into cheap cotton and hard springs. She comes in through that sphincter of a door and I can see she's already half-digested, skin crinkled and sweat-sodden, hair hard and already curling.
She sees me and a black smile breaks her face in half and she's on me before I can move. But the mind isn't willing and the flesh is barely aware, flops like rotten meat dropped on the concrete, but she finds a way to get what she wants.
Eat this tuna sammich boy, mommy made it 'special.
I do what I was taught to do in that dark little room, what I draw and attempt to sanitise with black, clean lines on crisp white but it's never clean. This time is different though, I can see through her cotton-skin into her, inside her and I can see a little clump, a little glowing ball sitting in there and as she's jerking and jostling I can see it work loose. When she wails like a banshee it gets washed down, her twitching firing it into my mouth and I can feel it embed into the back of my tongue and I can't scrape it off with my teeth and I can't get my fingers to it. I wonder what the fuck it is and then the truth smashes through my forehead like a bullet, leaves a hole where my thoughts leak out. I start trying to work out when we last fucked, turn to see her flopped over in the bed beside me and I can't, I don't know.
I scramble some clothes on and they latch onto my melting skin like mould, run out of that stomach-room into bright, burning sunlight. I just run, my legs taking over as my mind dribbles out and I find myself at the drug store. I hunt around like a coyote that lost the scent trail and I see something that makes sense and I grab it, rip open the box and pull off the blue lid and jam the thing in my mouth. It says twenty seconds so I count them like fucking ice ages and the world around me spins and changes in a hot, musty blur.
Hands are pulling at me and I can hear voices in the distance but I wait my twenty seconds and pull it out, look at that clean little digital display tell me what I already know, what I already feel doubling and doubling and doubling in size at the back of my tongue and all I can think is...
...I should probably make a comic out of this.
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